Friday, April 18, 2014 · 2:12 p.m.
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Do you remember a few years ago when you couldn't throw a rock without hitting a "S#!% My ____ Says" video? And do you also remember when people used to throw rocks at their computers? Boy, I do! Anyway, I thought every last one of those videos was funny because I like to laugh at things until they're run straight into the ground and no one else in the universe thinks they're funny anymore. Case in point, this column, because I'm resurrecting "S#!% My Daughter Says." LUCKY. YOU.

My kid is really funny. No, seriously. I know that every parent thinks their child is hysterical, but I'm fairly convinced that mine is especially hilarious. She says the most off-the-wall and random things ever, and sometimes, I have to frantically write those things down or I will forget them. I found a note on my iPhone the other day full of things she had said, and I didn't remember her saying any of them. Here are just a few of the things I've heard her say recently:

Alligators love Chili's

I thought it might be more exciting to read these quotes in fun, bright colors because everyone knows that people who read things on the Internet have short attention spans. I know I do. Sometimes I'm reading something on the Internet, and then I'm like "OH THERE ARE COOKIES HERE, BE RIGHT BACK INTERNET," and then when I get done shoving Oreo Cakesters in my mouth and come back to the Internet, I forget what I was doing. Where am I going with this? I don't know but I do know that—SQUIRREL!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this s#!% my daughter has said. Also, be sure to watch this video because people who read things on the Internet also love videos. Now, if you'll excuse me, there are some Cakesters calling my name. Mmmm.

Natalie Green is a Chicago girl living in Chattanooga with her husband and their 3-year-old daughter. When she’s not working full time outside of the home, she enjoys reading, writing, singing, zombies and running. From zombies. And also beer. You can stalk her blog, Mommy Boots, or follow her on Twitter @mommyboots; or you can email her directly at nagreen84@gmail.com. The opinions expressed in this column belong solely to the author, not Nooga.com or its employees.

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