National Poetry Day (the good stuff) isn’t until Oct. 3, but most of us can’t write poetry, anyway. This day, then, is for us. Help me celebrate National Bad Poetry Day with your worst poems. The holiday was designed as a sort of game: You are encouraged to write a terrible poem and send it to your high school teachers. Oh, the laughs!
Here are five of my best worst poems.
- Do I trust you? Nay, Kitty, nay!
- Those beady eyes shine menacingly.
- Why do I feed you, Kitty Kitty?
- You are ungrateful and bastardly in my presence.
- What have I done to you?
- Are you ruthless or stupid?
- "Meow," is all you utter as if that is all you know.
- Purr on this, Kitty Kitty! Just kidding.
- I would never strike my Kitty Kitty
- Will you kill me in my sleep?
- "While you’re awake," you’d probably say if you weren’t a cat.
- But you are a cat. Not a woman. I'm sorry, Kitty Kitty.
- Please don’t hurt me, Kitty Kitty.
- Kitty Kitty. My Kitty Kitty.
"Imagine the Horror"
- A scratch on the handle makes you shiver with fright
- What on earth could be lurking in the dark of the night?
- Is it living or dead, a monster or ghost?
- Or could it be that THING that scares you the most?
- It hisses and growls, like a snake and a wolf
- You bury your head in the pillow, don’t look!
- Its breath you can smell so putrid and foul
- Thirsty for blood, a beast on the prowl.
- Imagine the horror of this daily threat
- My body is quivering, bed sheets soaked wet
- I cry out to Jesus but it's always the same
- Lovecraftian doom knocking my brain.
- "SEAANNNN!" it says like a witch on a broom
- Again and again throughout my tiny child room
- "SEAANNN!" it slurps, I feel droplets of drool!
- "SEAANNN!" says a voice, "You’re late for school!"
- (You see, it was my mom telling me to get up.)
- An afternoon bite,
- ham and turkey on wheat bread.
- Here come the poopies.
"Lady on the Highway"
- The doctor said I should stop and so did my wife.
- Said if I could stop buying ladies on the streets
- I would be a good man, good husband
- Said I would soar like an eagle
- on a shiny backdrop of a leaven sky.
- Here I am though with my dollars flashing
- saying, "Hey, ladyboy! Come and get you some!"
- She/He not responding, dreadlocks pouting,
- a backpack full of comics and nutrition bars.
- "Step away, dude! I don’t want nothing to do wit’ ya!"
- The doctor said I need a pill to end cravings.
- saying, "Anibitrol, Anbesol, Dimetapp."
- I would be cured, less dangerous
- Said I would sit like a dog
- on the dull porch of a dirty cabin.
- Still here though with more dollars flashing
- saying, "Please, ladyboy! I’m harmless!"
- She/He only shaking head, knowing smile.
- "You know I got what you want but not what you need!"
- Lovely and efficient
- Awesome at listening and cooking
- Utilitarian and frugal with money and tools
- Really somebody special to me
- Elegantly effervescent and other "E" words
- Naturally beautiful eyes and freckles.