I’m not going to lie to your faces here: This whole football game thing doesn’t mean that much to me. The BCS (Bowl College Series?) game between Notre Dame and Alabama was the first game I’ve watched all year. And because we don’t have NHL hockey yet and I’ve already seen every episode of "Cake Boss," I thought I’d give it a shot. Here’s a non-football fan's take on the game. Also, I fell asleep at halftime. Sorry.
Alabama is really good at football.
Did anyone expect this game to be close? In your opinion, what was the one thing Notre Dame could’ve done to make a difference? “Not suck” is an inadequate answer.
Notre Dame No. 48 (Dan Fox, inside linebacker) looks just like an ex-girlfriend.
I do not mean this to be an insult to either Dan Fox or my ex-girlfriend. She had essentially the same face, hair and smile. We never got further than above-the-belt fondling. Why am I talking about this?
Notre Dame No. 5 (Everett Golson, backup QB) is from Myrtle Beach, S.C.
My family (aunt, specifically) owned about one-tenth of a water amusement park in Myrtle Beach in the early '90s. The water park still exists and seems to be doing well despite mediocre reviews. Most disturbingly, one reviewer was offended by “the two young boys yelling out porn words when they ride Night Flight.” This is unacceptable behavior, and I hope they remedy it.
Bringing Taco Bell to a party is not as exciting as the commercial leads you to think.
They go on to suggest that bringing a plate of “cheese and crackers” is somehow worse than bringing a satchel of oily flour tortillas filled with a substance from a meat tube. I know for a fact that I could put together a delicious cheese plate that would simply destroy your Taco Bell box. Invite me to a party. I will show you that a delicious cheese spread is 100 times better than anything from Taco Bell.
I was not aware that instant replays were allowed in college football.
Is this new? I found this article from Wired.com about when instant replays were introduced in 1963 during a football game between the Army and Navy. The best use of instant replays, in my opinion, is the NHL and their “Nerve Room” in Toronto.
—“Lowers the boom” sounds like something you’d hear whispered in your ear on a dark dance floor real late at night.
—How many kittens are getting named “Kouandjio” right now? Seriously.
—That “Fun” band and “Some Nights” can just go away already. This song is the equivalent of Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros’ “Home” from 2011. The song doesn’t suck, but it does after 3,000 listens.
—Brent Musburger is just as creepy when he covers IndyCar. Trust me. Did you follow @creepyMusburger on Twitter? Me too. (The account is already suspended. Twitter, you are good!)
—A funny tweet: @ClayTravisBGID: "Can you imagine if they cut to AJ's girlfriend in the second half, and Johnny Football was sitting with her?” No, Clay, I cannot.
—So, Notre Dame is the second-best team in the nation? Really?
—What do football fans do when a game is so lopsided? Drink more? That’s what happens in hockey. Sometimes, we fight each other and yell obscenities.
—A brief story from the last football game I attended: It was Nov. 3, 2007's UT vs. Louisiana-Lafayette in Knoxville. A bunch of us attended the game. One of our party became more intoxicated than she should’ve. She passed out in the grass and tried to make out with some people after she threw up. One of my friends got in trouble for flipping off a cop. Vols won 59-7. Good times.
—I get it: This game is like the Super Bowl of college football!
—Another funny tweet: @AdLawGuy: "Nate Silver is the only one who accurately predicted this score."
—What I would say to my team at half-time if I were Brian Kelly, as adapted from the Taoist teachings of Deng Ming-Dao: “You will know unexpected happiness regardless of the outcome of today’s game. You will know the sorrow of seeing what is dearest to you cut down before your eyes. Accept that. That is the nature of experience, and you have no time to buffer this face with fairy tales and illogical explanations. Your life is a creation that dies when you die. Until that moment, create the poetry of your life with toughness and determination.”
—Prediction: AJ McCarron will play in the NFL, probably. Mark my words.