I’ve recently taken a job doing paperwork for a company in Athens, Tenn., about 45 minutes up I-75. The work I do may not be interesting on the surface, but the people I work with certainly are. I might as well be commuting into their city from Oz every day because these people are completely misguided about certain aspects of our city. Several of my co-workers refuse to even drive through Chattanooga if they can possibly avoid it. Here a few examples of some of the misconceptions I’ve heard while at work:
Walking downtown is extremely dangerous
I suppose it is sort of dangerous to walk downtown with all the traffic and such, but I do it every day anyway. There have been a few pedestrians struck, and even a few killed, but no more than any other city. I think my co-worker’s comment was more a reflection of the people downtown and not so much a comment on crazy people in vehicles. This woman was scared of being mugged, raped and/or killed just for walking downtown. What she doesn’t know is that I kind of feel this way about certain areas of McMinn County, too. Whatever.
The best restaurant in the city is Red Lobster at Hamilton Place
This co-worker asked me for a suggestion of a restaurant in Chattanooga so that he and his wife could celebrate their one-year anniversary with a special dinner. I immediately thought of 212 Market Street, Boccaccia, St. John’s and, my favorite off-the-beaten-path special dinner place, Lamar’s (because it’s funny and still delicious). In my opinion, these are excellent recommendations for any couple in celebration of any occasion. Where did he take his wife? To friggin’ Red Lobster, that’s where. He said my suggestions were considered, but ultimately the Red Lobster won out because of “the scampi.” I asked him if he had the cheddar biscuits, and he replied with a fervent “no” because he and his wife are “watching calories.” I give up.
There are no white people downtown
This gentleman is in his early 60s and admittedly hasn’t been to our fair city in about 11 years. He started asking questions when he found out I live in Chattanooga, and most of them had to do with how many African-Americans there are in the immediate downtown. He said that when he was in town (for a “court proceeding," about which I did not ask questions) that he didn’t see a single white person. This would have been the year 2000. Unless a dramatic racial shift occurred between 2000 and 2001, the year I came to Chattanooga, then this guy apparently has no idea what he was talking about. Was there a mass exodus of African-Americans from Chattanooga in 2000? I can find no newspaper reports.
It’s easy to get lost in Chattanooga, and you’ll probably get killed if you do
The layout of Chattanooga streets is something that confuses a lot of tourists and casual visitors, so I can empathize with my co-worker on this one. She told me she was in town to visit a friend and went the wrong way down Market Street and entered a “terrible place” called “Owl Ton Park.” She remembered being approached several times by menacing-looking "gentlemen" in baggy pants. According to her description, there were people lighting fireworks in a parking lot during the middle of the day. She hasn’t been back since and now believes Chattanooga is much like Alton Park all of the time, which it may be. I’ve lit some daytime fireworks in my day, and you have too. Let’s take pause and consider what effect this odd behavior has on unsuspecting visitors to our city.
Drugs are a major problem, especially marijuana
Let’s keep in mind that Tennessee leads the country in meth lab busts and arrests, and that McMinn County (where my Athens co-workers live) is the LEADING county for said busts and arrests. Okay, so this co-worker proceeds to ask me if marijuana is still a major problem in Chattanooga. Not crack or heroin or the all-too-familiar meth, no, this guy is concerned about about all the potheads down here who are eating up all the Doritos and listening to Neon Indian records. Because of the meth problem in McMinn County, I cannot purchase anything with pseudophedrine in it without showing two forms of I.D. and signing a form that promises I won’t make meth. You can’t buy Drano in Wal-Marts throughout the county because the meth-heads buy it in bulk. Wait, wait ... in writing this out, I now understand what he was doing. He was trying to hit me up for weed. If you know where I could get this guy some marijuana, please leave a name and number in the comments section below. What a sneaky guy!
You can contact Sean Phipps via email and Twitter with comments and questions. The opinions expressed in this editorial belong solely to the author, not Nooga.com or its employees.
